| hey guess what |
[Sep. 8th, 2006|10:22 pm] |
I'm eating and listening to my stepdad puking at the same time. NICE combination.
Since when did they start calling 'duck sauce' sweet and sour sauce? wtf. I hate chinese people.
Annnd school is boring. And that actually means something, because I never get bored. Ever.
Senior year. Woo. Yeah. |
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| My My |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|10:15 am] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | Lull of the AC | ] |
Oh my goodness. =]
So, I believe I'm hanging out with Alecia today. Hopefully this will be at her house, my house is so utterly boring. Seriously.
I had a dream last night that I was a mother, and I kept losing my tiny infant. Even so, I loved my child so much, and in the dream I knew I was dreaming, because I thought, "You know, being a mother isn't that bad. When I wake up, I should think better of it." :Shrugs: I think there is something there when you enjoy just watching a child sleep and breathe. I don't know. I don't want to find out anytime soon, but maybe I will look forward to having a child when I get older. Dreams make you think weird, I think I've lost it.
I don't know if I'll be able to go to Brian's party, my ride there still isn't definite. If Anita can't go, I'm hoping to snatch a ride with the twins and Odellia. I don't even know if they're going, though. Gah.
I should go take a shower now.
Chey |
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| Polka dots |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|06:10 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | 30 Seconds To Mars | ] |
Every time I say "Polka dots" it comes out as "Poke-a-dot." Words are retarded, they should be spelt the way they are pronounced.
BUT
YEAH
I wore my green and white polka dot shirt today. I don't know why I torture myself. The damned shirt runs down my chest every five minutes, and I always get sick of pulling the damn shirt back up. It IS a nice shirt, though. I think I'd enjoy it more if it wasn't for all the salemen at the mall today staring at my boobs. Annoying...wtf. Ugh.
I hung out with Anita at the mall, Ryan was a no-show. It was okay though, we lapped the mall a number of times, and she bought an emo CD while I bought a new shirt for Brian's party this Wednesday. And I got to meet Anita's mom, she's SO cool. She has purple windshield washers! xD
I feel bad, because I actually had a pretty good weekend, where Randy's was wicked horrible. I'll make it up to him when I go over his house tomorrow to hang out. I hope he's feeling better. Okay, never mind, Ma is being a bitch and doesn't want me going to Randy's house tomorrow because of my room. So I guess Randy will have to suffer and come over here instead.
I am SO in love with 30 Seconds To Mars. They fucking rock. I need their CD, definitely.
More to come
Cheyenne |
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| Welcome back |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|10:38 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | White noise | ] |
Well, the rational thing to do would be to erase all of my entries and make a new, fresh start. But that wouldn't be so fun, would it? You, dear reader, wouldn't be able to look back onto my past and have a laugh at my expense. So, you're welcome.
I don't know whether or not I'll keep up with writing in my LJ, but since Randy made one of his own, perhaps it'd be a good thing to keep up with again.
More to come,
-Me |
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| Bloody hell |
[Sep. 23rd, 2005|09:02 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| |  Sleepy and sick | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | Supernanny! | ] |
I'm sick as hell.
But I'm looking through my MJ and I've been reading my old entries. Boy, was I sure stupid. XD
There's an entry of one of mine and Sara's many fights; an entry of old pictures, an entry of how Alex had a black eye and I courageously went up to him to talk about it at lunch; an entry of how a model agent approached me and asked me to audition at her thingie; the entries go on forever. But this one made me laugh.
---------------------------------------------------
Saturday, October 18th 2003
9:25 AM - Kiss a guy?
Bahh.
Cooking on Friday. Hah! What cooking? The teacher made us clean every single piece of equipment in the droors, and we had to scour the countertops.
And guess who had to clean everything?
-_-;;
When everything was done, Alecia took out her photo album. Danny Spafford, Lisa Deroy, and Eric Rodriguez took an eyeful at it. They flipped to a picture of Joe.
Joe=Alecia's cousin, my ex.
Advice: Don't ever, EVER date your best friend's cousin. It will come back to haunt you. Forever.
Danny pointed at Joe. "Who's that?"
Alecia: My cousin.
Me: My ex.
They looked at us for a moment.
Lisa: How long did you go out with him?
Me: A month.
Danny: Did you kiiiiiiss him?
Me: No. Coward.
They all gaped at me. They stared at me as if I had grown another head. Lisa's eyes were huge, Danny stood up and pretended to walk away, and Eric started to announce to the class that I went out with a guy for a month and he never kissed me.
Danny sat back down. "Let's all have a moment of silence," he said.
"What's the big deal with that?" I asked.
"A WHOLE MONTH AND YOU NEVER KISSED THE GUY!" they shrieked at me.
Shana turned around from her table and looked at me. "I kiss a guy on the second day, man," she said.
Yeeeeah. Go figure.
>.>
More happened yesterday, but I am too tired to write it all down.
~Starry
-------------------------------------------------
*Laughs* Stupid entry.
My throat hurts. I got no sleep last night, due to a certain event that won't be discussed in this journal until Sunday. I've cancelled the party, and I don't know how to tell Yanissel, seeing as I don't have her number. -_-
I like pie.
Alecia just lefted. :(
I miss Brian.
~Chey |
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| The BigE... |
[Sep. 16th, 2005|07:56 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Excited! | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | The television | ] |
It's funny. Whenever I need to hang up with Brian, he drags our goodbye on forever and makes me feel guilty for hanging up, but when he needs to go, he expects me to understand. I don't get it.
Well, anyway. I went to the BigE around eight in the morning today, and I left there around seven thirty at night. My feet have blisters on them, and the roof of my mouth is burnt. Needless to say, I had an awesome time. :D
I went there with Ma first, and it was pretty empty in the morning. We were meeting up with my Uncle Bob and my grandmother around ten-thirty, so we had some time to burn. It was actually pretty nice, hanging around with Ma. Heh.
Grandma was so annoying. Everything was "Bob this, Bob that, Where's Bob? Does Bob want to do this?" I hate it when Grandma plays favorites, because I always feel horrible for Ma. I even remotely liked this country concert we went to, Julie Roberts was performing, and Uncle wanted to leave it because he was bored. So of course, we all obeyed him. Annoying.
Around four, I called Alecia, and she had just gotten to the BigE, so I met up with her, leaving Ma with Uncle and Grandma. They ended up ditching Ma, which they do all the time, and I felt horrible once again. Ma said it was okay to walk around with Alecia, and I did, but I felt guilty for leaving Ma alone like that. Ugh.
Annnnnnnnnnd! I ran into Jesse! I haven't seen him for years, we were like, best friends back in the day. I ran into him when I was with Alecia and Ma, because Ma was the one who ran into him first.
Ma: Cheyenne! Cheyenne! It's Jesse!
Me: Wtf?
I looked over, and it was him, except more taller, and he had facial hair! It was so weird. I was like, "Jesse!" I gave him a hug, and I hugged his mother too. That's when Ma started rambling to his mom about old pictures of us, and both Jesse and I rolled our eyes. We eventually parted ways, but I will admit that I was happy to run into Jesse. :D
Alecia and I bought a load of crap. She bought two bracelets, a Boston Red Sox necklace (Which I heavily complained about), and a wormy thingie. I had gotten one earlier, and she ended up getting one too. I love those things. Both of ours are pink. I also bought more potpourri for my room, along with an airbrushed headband, lime green with 'Starreh' written on it. It's very sexy. :D
Oh, and a billion people asked me about my pants. There are multiple large holes in my knees, and some on my butt, and everyone asked me if I bought them like that. I didn't, of course. Two of the holes in the knees came apart by themselves, and the rest are due to a very boring english class; I made the holes with my earring during a lecture. I was very entertaining that day. Heh.
And I wore Brian's shirt today, I looked mad hot, yo. ;D
Brian's coming over tomorrow, I'm glad about that. Maybe he can massage my feet.
Kidding.
Or am I?
:D
~Cheyenne
P.S. My feet hurt. |
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| Ughhhh. Stab stab stab. |
[Aug. 14th, 2005|05:26 pm] |
I have a feeling that Brian is pulling another thing with me like he did with Haleigh. You know, going to the mall with other girls without telling your girlfriend. Yeah, every day life stuff. Notttttt uncommon at all.[/sarcasm]
Well, they're friends, he can hang out with whoever he wants. Just like I can. Maybe Joe will be willing to go out with me to the mall one of these days. Or Aaron. Yeah, it's his birthday today, maybe we'll go shopping next week. Funnnn. [/more sarcasm]
"Just to let you know, another female friend was supposed to accompany us today, but she isn't here."
Oh yes. That made me feel lots better. Thanks, Angela.
It just makes me wonder what happened at the fireworks for Jencine to blurt out earlier how much she thought how Angela and Brian made a cute couple.
Go figure.
Maybe I'm just a jealous bitch.
But jealous bitches have the right to be upset when they find their boyfriend at the mall with another girl.
*Shrugs* Or maybe that's just me.
I have the best luck with guys. Don't you agree?
Lovelovelovelovestablove,
Cheyenne |
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| Another one |
[Aug. 10th, 2005|09:00 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Siiiick | ] |
Here's another.
Really Long Survey (over 200) | Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 115999 times on bzoink! | | What is your name? | Cheyenne Autumn Miller. | | Are you named after anyone? | Well, if a movie counts... | | What's your screename? | Which one? | | Would you name a child of yours after you? | Hell no. | | If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be? | Shane Alexander. Ma told me so. | | If you could switch names with a friend who would it be? | Jeannie. | | Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly? | God, of COURSE! The horror...Cheneynnneennegsajkfhsldfh | | Would you drop your last name if you became famous? | Yeah. | | Basics | | Your gender: | Female, holler. | | Straight/Gay/Bi: | Straight all the way. | | Single? | Nope. | | If not, do you want to be? | Nope, not at present. ;D | | Birthdate: | March twelfth | | Your age: | Sixteen and a half. | | Age you act: | Way older. I'm boring. -_- | | Age you wish you were: | Twenty-one. | | Your height: | 5'7'' | | Eye color: | They're green, but they used to be blue. They have some yellow in them. | | Happy with it? | No. I wish I had Anna's eyes, they're ice fucking blue. | | Hair color: | I don't remember. Presently reddish. | | Happy with it? | No. I want it burgundy now. | | Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: | Righty. I have a very good sense of touch with both hands, though. It's good to have me with you in a power outage. | | Your living arrangement: | With Mom and Stepfather. | | Your family: | Same as above. | | Have any pets? | One kitty. ^_^ | | Whats your job? | I babysit, but...heh... | | Piercings? | Two in each ear. | | Tattoos? | Yeah, but now they're just faded scars. Don't try making your own tattoos at home, kids. | | Obsessions? | Food and kissing. Trying to look and be thinner. | | Addictions? | Eh. Food and kissing. XD | | Do you speak another language? | Some spanish, some french. | | Have a favorite quote? | One of them: "I figure, what better gift can you give the person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with than to tell her you've been waiting for her?" -Riley | | Do you have a webpage? | Nope. -_- | | Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it | | Do you live in the moment? | If I have the chance, yes. ^^; | | Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? | Somewhat. | | Do you have any secrets? | Yes. | | Do you hate yourself? | At times. | | Do you like your handwriting? | No. | | Do you have any bad habits? | Yes, eating my fingers until they're bloody. | | What is the compliment you get from most people? | You're losing weight! Yeah. | | If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? | Cheyenne is Fucking Boring. | | What's your biggest fear? | Sex. | | Can you sing? | No! | | Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? | Hell no, haha. | | Are you a loner? | Used to live that life. | | What are your #1 priorities in life? | Helping others. | | If you were another person, would you be friends with you? | No, I'm so fucking stupid. XD | | Are you a daredevil? | Depends on the situation. | | Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? | Yeah, try everything. | | Are you passive or agressive? | Passive. | | Do you have a journal? | Yes. | | What is your greatest strength and weakness? | I'm loyal, but senitive. | | If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? | My weight. | | Do you think you are emotionally strong? | Sometimes when it comes to others. | | Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? | Yes, everything in my childhood. I was such a retard. | | Do you think life has been good so far? | Yeah, I guess. | | What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? | Live it to the fullest, babe. | | What do you like the most about your body? | My, er, chest area? XD | | And least? | My fat. | | Do you think you are good looking? | Not at all. | | Are you confident? | Sometimes. | | What is the fictional character you are most like? | Um? | | Are you perceived wrongly? | Yes. | | Do You... | | Smoke? | No. | | Do drugs? | No. | | Read the newspaper? | Yes. | | Pray? | Every night. | | Go to church? | Only at funerals, now. | | Talk to strangers who IM you? | Yeah, lmao. | | Sleep with stuffed animals? | Yes! XD | | Take walks in the rain? | Yes. | | Talk to people even though you hate them? | Yeah. All the fucking time. | | Drive? | Illegally. | | Like to drive fast? | No. | | Would or Have You Ever? | | Liked your voice? | Never ever. | | Hurt yourself? | Yes, I have. | | Been out of the country? | Nope. | | Eaten something that made other people sick? | Yeah, lmao! The salsa, the salsa! | | Been in love? | Yes. | | Done drugs? | Nope. | | Gone skinny dipping? | Yes! XD | | Had a medical emergency? | Yes. | | Had surgery? | Yes. | | Ran away from home? | Tried to. | | Played strip poker? | Nope. | | Gotten beaten up? | Yes. | | Beaten someone up? | Yes. | | Been picked on? | God, yes. | | Been on stage? | Yes. | | Slept outdoors? | Yes. | | Thought about suicide? | Yes. | | Pulled an all nighter? | Yes! | | If yes, what is your record? | More than 30 hours. | | Gone one day without food? | Yes. | | Talked on the phone all night? | Yes. | | Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex? | Yes. | | Slept all day? | Yes. | | Killed someone? | Indirectly, I guess. | | Made out with a stranger? | Never. | | Had sex with a stranger? | No. | | Thought you're going crazy? | Yes. | | Kissed the same sex? | Yup. | | Done anything sexual with the same sex? | No way. XD | | Been betrayed? | Oh, yes. | | Had a dream that came true? | Yup! | | Broken the law? | No, lmao. | | Met a famous person? | Yes. I took a picture with them and the camera broke. -_- | | Have you ever killed an animal by accident? | I don't...remember. Oo; | | On purpose? | lmao? | | Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? | Yes. -_- | | Stolen anything? | Some gum when I was four. | | Been on radio/tv? | Yup! | | Been in a mosh-pit? | I've yet to be in one. | | Had a nervous breakdown? | Yeah. Six Flags. | | Bungee jumped? | Nope. | | Had a dream that kept coming back? | Yeah. | | Beliefs | | Belive in life on other planets? | Yeah. | | Miracles? | Yes. | | Astrology? | Yes. | | Magic? | Yes. | | God? | Sometimes. | | Satan? | Yeah. | | Santa? | YES! PRESENTS! | | Ghosts? | Yes. | | Luck? | Sometimes. | | Love at first sight? | Yes. | | Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)? | Yes. | | Witches? | Yes. | | Easter bunny? | Yes, lmao. | | Believe its possible to remain faithful forever? | Yes. | | Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? | Of course, who doesn't? | | Do you wish on stars? | Yes. | | Deep Theological Questions | | Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? | Kind of. | | Do you think God has a gender? | That's what society has led me to believe. | | Do you believe in organized religion? | Dunno. | | Where do you think we go when we die? | I have no idea, and that's what scares me. | | Friends | | Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? | Hell yes. | | Who is your best friend? | Odellia, Alecia, Alex. | | Who's the one person that knows most about you? | Brian and Alex. | | What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? | Don't drink, it's bad. Live, you have the strength. | | Your favourite inside joke? | You're black! [to Odell] | | Thing you're picked on most about? | Odell's flat chest and blackness. | | Who's your longest known friend? | Jeanette, and Alora. | | Newest? | Brian. | | Shyest? | Well, it USED to be Alecia... | | Funniest? | Jenice. | | Sweetest? | Brian. | | Closest? | Odellia. | | Weirdest? | Jenice. | | Smartest? | Alex Morse. | | Ditziest? | The only person who I think of is me, heh. | | Friends you miss being close to the most? | Alexander. | | Last person you talked to online? | Brian. | | Who do you talk to most online? | Brian and Alecia. | | Who are you on the phone with most? | Brian, definitely. | | Who do you trust most? | Brian. | | Who listens to your problems? | Brian, Odellia and Alexander. | | Who do you fight most with? | Everyone, heh. | | Who's the nicest? | Jenice. | | Who's the most outgoing? | Jenice. | | Who's the best singer? | Odellia. | | Who's on your shit-list? | LMAO! Anyone who pisses me off. | | Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend? | The dreams...the dreams...! Kidding. No. | | Who's your second family? | My friends. | | Do you always feel understood? | Never. | | Who's the loudest friend? | Jenice. Well, Emily is louder, lmao! | | Do you trust others easily? | Not at ALL. | | Who's house were you last at? | Brian's. | | Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: | Brian's! XD | | Do your friends know you? | No, they don't. | | Friend that lives farthest away: | Alexander and Ash. | | Love and All That | | Do you consider love a mistake? | Sometimes. | | What do you find romantic? | Being held all night in someone's arms. Ack *Blushes* | | Turn-on? | Skinnyyyyyy | | Turn-off? | Hateful, loud personality. | | First kiss? | Ron. | | If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel? | Really, really bad. | | Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going | Knowing is better. | | Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out | Why are you starting to type weird? Yes, I do. | | Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv | Yeah, lmao. | | Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? | No. | | What is best about the opposite sex? | Their ability to kiss me, hah. | | What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? | They think with their -ahem- sometimes more than their brain. | | What's the last present someone gave you? | Um...a ring. Don't kill me if I forgot anything. -_- | | Are you in love? | Yes. | | Do you consider your significant other hot? | Yes! | | Who Was the Last Person... | | That haunted you? | Many. | | You wanted to kill? | Alecia. | | That you laughed at? | Odellia. | | That laughed at you? | Brian, lmao. | | That turned you on? | Brian? | | You went shopping with? | Brian. | | That broke your heart? | Ron. Alexander. Yep. | | To disappoint you? | Alexander. | | To ask you out? | Brian. | | To make you cry? | Alexander. | | To brighten up your day? | Brian. | | That you thought about? | Brian. | | You saw a movie with? | Brian. | | You talked to on the phone? | Brian. | | You talked to through IM/ICQ? | Brian...heh. | | You saw? | Brian. | | You lost? | Alexander. | | Right This Moment... | | Are you going out? | What? What do you mean? | | Will it be with your significant other? | Ohhh. No, I'm going to sleep. | | Or some random person? | Like I said... | | What are you wearing right now? | Black tank, jeans. Shoes. | | Body part you're touching right now: | Hands? | | What are you worried about right now? | If I can go to Odell's tomorrow. | | What book are you reading? | The Insiders. | | What's on your mousepad? | Leaves. | | Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: | Sick, cold, happy, love sick, tired. Hungry. Yeah, that's six, but fuck you. | | Are you bored? | Never. | | Are you tired? | Yes. | | Are you talking to anyone online? | Yeah, Brian. | | Are you talking to anyone on the phone? | Nope. | | Are you lonely or content? | Lonely. :/ | | Are you listening to music? | Nope. | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! |
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| I can't believe it. |
[Aug. 10th, 2005|09:22 am] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Sick | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | Ringing in my ears | ] |
After enduring the dentist's wrath (no cavities!), Ma mentioned if I wanted to get a haircut. She's always asking me this, and it usually gets to the point where I eventually tune her out, but this time I actually thought about it. My hair was almost to my waist, and my dream was to grow it all the way down to my bottom, but my hair was really getting dried out and frizzy. So I thought, Why not get my hair cut?
Before I could change my mind, Ma took me to MasterCuts and this scary girl cut about 6-7 inches off, and trimmed my bangs to just below my chin. She then straightened my hair, and I must admit, it looks pretty damned good. My hair now falls just below my shoulders. Ma said it made me look more mature, I don't see that. :P
'Cept we got ripped off. Fucking forty dollars for that haircut. We should have waited until today to get it cut at the Beauty Acadamy where I always get it cut, but...like I said, it was a spur of the moment thing. I could have gotten my hair fucking DYED along with the iron and cut for that price. Ma's pissed, because they told her a specific price in the middle of my cut, then a higher one at the end. She's going to call the manager today. *Shrugs* At least she didn't cut my hair crooked.
>.>
<.<
...Or did she?
-Cheyenne |
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| No Subject. Bzzzzz. |
[Aug. 8th, 2005|08:13 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Contemplating | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | Water running | ] |
Well, since I have a few minutes to myself, I decided to update.
Cape Cod was nice. The best thing I love to do there is just lie out on the sand at the beach under the stars. The sky is so clear there, it's amazing. When I brought Alecia there, we did just that- lie on the beach around eleven at night under the stars. it would have been better if she wasn't on the phone with stupid horny Alex. *Shrugs* I guess she is now dating some nineteen year old Adam something frome Rhode Island. She's never met him before, and now she wants to meet him at Six Flags. She's sixteen years old, for Chrissake. And it's not just him, he's going with the members of his 'group home.' Can someone direct me here? I have no fucking clue what she's doing. I can understand that she's lonely- her family favors her sister over her, but please. I can't keep looking out for her like her mother, she eventually gets pissed at me. I don't know what to do.
To make matters worse, Jeanette is fucking pregnant. Alex, you moron, if you're reading this, then yes, she's finally knocked up. I remember telling Alexander on how I had half hoped she would get pregnant because maybe that would knock some sense into her, but, nope, like always, I am once again wrong. Four months into it and she's the same Jeanette, with multiple boyfriends and endless phone chats. *Sighs*
Our conversation is kind of completed now (me and Alecia).
Alecia: Are you doing anything on friday
Me: Why?
Alecia: Cause I need to see my boyfriend
Me: Your boyfriend?
Alecia: Yeah
Me: Who's that, Alex?
Alecia: No, adam, lol
Me: Adam? Boyfriend? wtf?
Me: The guy from Rhode Island?
Alecia: Duh. Lol. He is so sweet, he played love songs for me. I couldnt help it
Me: How old is he? You are really going out with him? And what does this have to do with me and Friday?
Alecia: He is 19. Yes I am. And i was supposed to meet him at six flags.
Me: He asked you out? Heh. You're supposed to meet him at Six Flags this Friday? What does that have to do with what I'm doing? Do you want me to tag along or something?
Alecia: Yeah, I want someone to go with me. It is not only him he is going with. He lives in a group home, and the rest of them are going.
Me: What's a group home? Ermmm....are you sure about this? He, um, is a lot older than you. I might not be allowed to go.
Alecia: Yes I am sure. I know he is older than me. Only 3 years older. He has the same birthday as me. Lol
Me: Your mom is allowing you to go?
Alecia: She asked me how much it costs and I dont know. She doesnt know about adam yet.
Me: Are you going to tell her?
Alecia: Yeah
Me: Okay. I still don't know about this, Leash. I know you've talked with him on the phone, and I'm sure he's a nice guy, but you still haven't met him and you might not know how he really is. I don't want you getting kidnapped or anything.
Alecia: I wont.
Me: Things happen, though, Alecia. I just want you being extra careful.
Alecia: I know, I will
Me: Okay.
Alecia: Ok
I then tried to change the subject. Nope, didn't work out too hot.
Me: I'm almost done with your letter.
Alecia: Okay. He wrote me one too. Lol
Me: You got it?
Alecia: Not yet, maybe tomorrow
Me: Oh.
Alecia: Yeah
Me: How long have you two been dating? Who asked who out?
Alecia: Since friday. He asked me out.
Me: He knows you're only 16?
Alecia: Yep
Me: Okay.
I don't want to go further. -_- I don't know what to do.
-Cheyenne |
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|
| Mm. |
[Aug. 8th, 2005|03:18 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Nothing | ] |
Jeanette's pregnant.
That's all for now.
-Me |
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|
| Yay. |
[Jul. 30th, 2005|02:57 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Tummy hurts. -_- | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | Air Conditioner | ] |
Well, the good news is: I'm not pregnant. Fantastic. Are virgins able to get pregnant, anyway? Eh.
Yeah, so I went to the doctor's yesterday. It was sort of a bittersweet thing. The first thing Ma did was announce to the doctor that she wanted a pregnancy test done.
The doctor looked at me, and a wave of red flew over my face. I turned to look Ma in the eye and hissed, "Do you want to see my cherry, Mother?" She turned away, and the doctor gave me a urine cup and left.
One of the things I hate most is peeing into a cup. It then turns worse when you have to sneak it out when you leave the restroom without anyone seeing it.
I returned, and Ma started annoying me even more. I began to chew on my nails.
"Get your fingers out of your mouth. Don't you want pretty nails like Anie?"
I glared at her. "Don't you ever compare me to Anie."
Things got worse. Ma decided to become melodramatic when they ran a EKG on me and checked my blood sugar, and she cried. She really needs some menopause meds. She's been crying at the drop of a hat lately. Annoying.
Well, turns out I have extremely low blood sugar and blood pressure. That's basically it. Oh, and I got some more Albuterol too, I'm happy about that.
Me and Alecia are on better terms too. The first 'normal' conversation she had with me consisted of her talking about how she went to third base with Alex (like she's never told me about it before -_-) and how she'll give him oral sex whenever he wants. Pretty low, if you ask me. They're not even dating. *Sighs* Brian and I never should have introduced the two of them. She so obsessed with him now. *Shrugs* Mm.
More later.
Cheyenne |
|
|
| Well. |
[Jul. 27th, 2005|02:13 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Defeated | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | Feel Good Inc. | ] |
I tried patching things up with Alecia. Didn't turn out so hot, though. She kept saying that I was the one who had hurt her in the first place, not me! Um, hello? I'm not the one who spreads lies around to your boyfriend. -_-
The days have been too long. I wish I could just take a day off and nap. Not that I would sleep, though. Maybe a day of just lying around would do me some good.
Friday I have a doctor's appointment. Ma's convinced me that the reason I fainted was because I'm pregnant. So now I believe her, even though I haven't done anything of the sort. *Sighs* I need a break.
Not much. I think I'll have some tea.
~Cheyenne |
|
|
| Yeah. |
[Jul. 24th, 2005|08:49 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Still sore | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | AOL's little 'dings!' | ] |
Forget my last entry.
So I went to Barnes & Noble. Debbie was there, I love talking with her. I've known her forever--well, since I was eight, anyway--and she's so fun-hearted and happy. Well, anyway. We talked about the book we read that month, and others, then the discussion turned into how she might be getting a new job. A new teaching position, I suppose. I always know her as the Debbie who works at B&N, not the Debbie who might have a life as a teacher with a family outside of the books. I eventually finished up the book that we were supposed to have read (we somehow never finish them) and then moved on to Fruits Basket.
I read ten and eleven. God, I love that manga series. But every time I read it, I get so depressed. I mean, the series is a dark one, with attempts here and there at some comedy and light-heartedness, but it just sucks you in with its remote sadness. I'm totally addicted. *Sighs* The next volume, unfortunantly, comes out in December. Fuck.
I'm also obsessed with sweetened black iced tea mixed with lemonade. It's so good. I get it at B&N now, and sometimes they give me lemons. They did tonight. I ended up eating them with Debbie.
I'm eating zucchini casserole for the second time today. I love it, it's one of my favorite foods. <3
See you sometime,
Cheyenne |
|
|
| Wow. |
[Jul. 24th, 2005|04:14 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Sore | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | My mother's exercize video. | ] |
I finally have a whole half hour to myself online. I guess I'll waste it on updating.
I'm hurting. I don't mean to complain or anything, but it feels like I have fallen a hundred feet off of a cliff instead of perhaps five onto a fireplace. My elbow is swollen, as well as my arm; my neck is killing me, as my back is, and a mysterious lump has appeared above my right eyebrow, which is annoying because I talk with my eyebrows. It just hurts to move. Makes me wonder how I had fallen onto the damned floor.
The stress has lessened a little, but I'm still burdened with my mother's upcoming loss of a job, my step-father's quitting of his, their constant discussions (or, rather, rantings) of divorce, and talk of moving back to Florida. Then there's that huge argument with Alecia I'm reminded daily of, along with sprinklings of fights that aren't worth mentioning. I'm trying my best to continue with my charade of happiness, but it's tiring, and I don't have the energy to continue with it anymore. Even Odell's sleepover party was a fluke, everyone kept asking me if I was okay. It irritated me because I can't hide anymore.
And the one person I love most is the one I want to show my true feelings to, but somehow he is ending up being the person I have to hide most from. I know he'll read this and question me about it later, but...I don't know what else to do. I feel as if I have to continue being this way for him to remain happy.
Wow, I just realized what a huge idiot I am. Really. I'm going to leave now. Bye.
Cheyenne |
|
|
| Explaining. |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|09:10 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Aggravated | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | My mother squealing on the phone. | ] |
One word. Alecia.
Alecia has been spreading lies around, because of Sara's party. This is what happened.
When Alecia left Joe and I in her room, she ended up sitting in the livingroom and watched us through the cracks of her door. Now she's spreading lies around to Brian, Hector, perhaps even Ron and Alex Gerard, about how I ended up majorly flirting with Joe.
I totally flipped out, to make a long story short. She denied it at first, then went to say she got permission from Brian, and then went to say that I was flirting with Joe to begin with. I find that disgusting, first of all, because Joe is an absolute slimeball. I won't post the conversation, I won't drop that low, but I have saved it.
Other things are really bothering me, but they aren't worth my energy to write down.
I'm logging off now.
Cheyenne |
|
|
| ... |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|07:47 pm] |
|
I guess I am a bitch. I want to die. |
|
|
| Party. |
[Jul. 9th, 2005|01:28 pm] |
| [ | My Black Abyss: |
| | Annoyed | ] |
| [ | My Wretched Soul Sings: |
| | The sound of the Air Conditioner | ] |
Well, the party ended up being tolerable.
I left the house for Alecia's house around two fifteen, and from there I went inside to find Sara sitting on the livingroom couch. I handed her a card with a, "Happy birthday, Sara," and Alecia led me into her room. Her mother then started yelling at Sara because, as it turned out, there wasn't supposed to be any party to begin with. Alecia and I exchanged glances and we watched t.v. as we waited for the other girls to arrive.
Slowly, they did arrive, and Sara popped into Alecia's room to ask us if we wanted to play Monopoly. I looked at Alecia. I didn't want to say no, because Sara DID invite me to her party, but I didn't want to say yes because of Alecia. I think Sara saw me struggling because she said, "Well, if you guys want to join or watch at any time, you can. Kay?" And left the room. I sighed with relief.
Ron ended up being a no show-much to my surprise-but Joe ended up coming over which did not surprise me at all. As Alecia predicted, Joe barged into her room without knocking first and laid between me and Aleica on her bed. Alecia and I were looking through Carribean catalogues and were discussing on how we were going to rent one of those high class rooms one day, and I was telling her how much I wanted a round bathtub. Joe and I made small talk, and eventually Alecia left the room. I thought she left to go to the bathroom, so Joe and I waited for her on her bed.
We just laid there, chatting here and there, and he kept changing the t.v. channels. It was kind of nice, I mean, it reminded me of the old days where he'd call me up and ask for girl advice or whatever. We used to be best friends, and now we never talk anymore. And he didn't touch me, all he did was high five me and pat my arm once, that was it. No flirting. *Nods* Kind of nostalgic, y'know? I think it felt better because I don't feel that sort of attraction towards him anymore. *Nods* So in short-term, it was nice to see him again.
People who attended:
Me
Sara
Alecia
Stephanie
Rebecca
Jasmine
Joe
Joe left, and Sara with Jasmine and Rebecca left for the video store to rent some movies. Alecia, Stephanie and I hung around alone and ate cake. *Grins* They came back, and Alecia shut herself in her room and watched her own video, leaving me with Sara and her friends. I sat with Stephanie on the other couch, and they put in a movie.
During the beginning of the movie, Ma called and asked if I wanted to be picked up then or at 9:30. She threw in how tired she and my stepfather were, and I decided to jump at the opportunity to leave the party. I felt awkward because I didn't really know Sara, but I didn't want to leave to join Alecia either. So this was a perfect opportunity to escape, y'know. Yeah. So I left and we went out to eat, and then I fell asleep with Brian on the phone.
I was supposed to go to Brian's house today, but Ma pitched a fit and now I'm stuck at home. I'm so bored.
Well, more later.
Love,
Cheyenne |
|
|
| Great. |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|01:09 pm] |
Just found out the party is a SLEEPOVER.
I wanted to hang out with Brian tomorrow. -_-
Maybe I'll just stay late and leave early. People can do that, right?
Bah.
And, surprise surprise. Still no phone call.
I think I'll need some booze. -_-
I'll fill in with the details later. Ja.
Love,
Cheyenne |
|
|
| Back. |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|09:44 pm] |
I finally have fifteen minutes to my goddamned self on the internet. Ma's raving on the phone to my grandmother, and my stepfather has shut himself inside of his bedroom, eating. They, meaning the 'rents, have just finished arguing. For now, at least. The only thing that's saving me right now is BJ's phone call. He's trying to cheer me up, but I'm not really in that much of a great mood.
I don't really know why I'm abandoning my MJ. It's partly because I want BJ to actually be able to read my personal thoughts without having to guiltily hold them back.
God, I'm tired.
'Xander is pissing me off. He hasn't called me. "Oh, Cheyenne, we'll meet again in the summer...how about this place or that place..." blah blah blah. Now he's in Connecticut right now, and he hasn't called me yet. He is ignoring me, and that just fucking hurts, when I know damned well he has called his wonderful girlfriend. He can't deny not being able to contact me again. He has no excuses. It's stupid, every time she's fucked him over I've been there for him, and when she comes back, he ignores me. Let's see him crawl back again to me now.
Enough raving. Anie will probably trip over this too and demand how dare I rant about her beloved Alex, but I don't give a fuck anymore. I can't handle any more of this bullshit. -_-
Ma's still ranting on the phone. Bah.
Tomorrow I'm going to get screwed over. Badly. Fucking Sara. Why does she love to screw me over constantly? I shouldn't even go to her fucking party. I don't know. I will, though. I won't back down and give in to her little coniving plans.
I have nothing more to say. Wow, let's just call this my 'pissed off' journal. For now.
Love,
Cheyenne |
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